


Then and Now

by Mcnamcj



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Captain America: The First Avenger, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Gen, Hurt Steve Rogers, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Angst, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 14:57:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5421326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mcnamcj/pseuds/Mcnamcj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing scene from Captain America: The Winter Soldier. A raw and hurting Steve is released from the hospital and goes to Peggy for comfort and solace and to figure out what's next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Then and Now

It had been a long time singe Steve had felt this way. His body sore, his face throbbing, his stomach burning, his limbs jelly. Weak and useless. Tiny and insignificant. Like when he’d been a runt of a man, his ass and every other body part handed to him day after day. All the strength he’d gained with the serum, the sheer power, the capability, his role as Captain America, as an Avenger, as a fully defrosted and integrated transplant from another time. All of it had collapsed into a giant pile of rubble. He’d never felt so small or defeated. Hopeless.

Heartbroken.

He’d been released from the hospital that morning, three days after getting pummeled by his dead best friend, shot by his dead best friend and then saved by his dead best friend. He still hurt, more than he let on. His stomach was a fiery ball of misery that pulsed in his middle like a bomb waiting to go off, ready to tear him apart. His face too was a constant ache, an iron fist continuously punching him in the eye. The rest of him, every limb, every muscle, ever nerve ending felt like it had been pulverized by a hammer and then run through a meat grinder. Twice. He could barely get out of bed, let alone walk. But he had put on his strong, brave face and gritted his teeth and shirked away from the roving eyes of Sam and Natasha, insisting he was fine. That he wasn’t still pissing blood or that it hurt to even breathe. He declined their offers to look after him for a few days. He was touched for the care, he really was. But they couldn’t help him. Not the way he needed. They hadn’t known him before. They hadn’t known Bucky. They couldn’t really understand what he was reeling from or why his very world was rocked.

There was only one person that could.

He stumbled into Peggy’s room, his arm wrapped tightly around his middle, praying that today was one of her good days. He’d even settle for just okay. She was asleep in her bed, looking peaceful and just as beautiful as the day they’d met. A nurse was in her room, refilling a pitcher of water on the rolling tray table by her bed and then adjusting Peggy’s blankets, making sure she was tucked in and comfortable. He’d seen her there before. Belinda he thought her name was. He nodded at her and then all but fell into the chair set out next to the bed, his head spinning, his body all but giving out on him. A wave of nausea rolled through his body and he quickly had to swallow it down before he embarrassed himself.

Belinda’s attention shifted from Peggy to him, her warm brown eyes flashing with concern. “Captain…er…Mr. Rogers…is there something I can get for you? A bed perhaps?”

Steve shook his head and regretted it as the motion only increased the nausea and dizziness pounding at his body. He broke out in a cold sweat, his stomach churning, his pulse skyrocketing. He must’ve looked as bad as he felt because the nurse rushed to his side and then her hand was on the back of his head, gently pushing him foreword to put his head between his legs. He groaned as the motion tugged at his stomach, stars flaring behind his eyes as he got dangerously close to passing out.

“It’s alright, Steve. Just breathe. Relax. You’re okay.”

It was Peggy. She must’ve woken up at the commotion. He instantly felt guilty for disturbing her and his stomach quaked even more as a hard lump of pure misery formed in his throat.

“I’ve got him, Belinda. Thank you, dear,” he heard her speak and then he felt a hand on his back, small but strong. Comforting. “Deep breaths, Steve. Come on now.”

He did what she told him. Sucking in air through his nose and blowing it out of his mouth, trying to get his body under control, trying to center himself. Over and over he breathed in and out, Peggy’s hand running up and down his back, calming down the warring forces inside his body. After a few minutes, the nausea and dizziness began to ease, but the lump in his throat only grew, getting bigger and bigger until it was choking him and he couldn’t breathe. He started to shake against it, his eyes burning with tears that were trapped, his body about to burst. Peggy’s hand moved from his back to his neck, her fingers coursing through the strands of hair.

“Let it out, Steve.” A horrendous sob escaped his mouth that felt like a knife cutting through his throat and then his body wasn’t his own anymore as a thousand pains, guilts, griefs and heart breaks poured out of his soul. Tears flowed out of his eyes in rivers as everything that had happened over the last few days finally hit him right between the eyes. He couldn’t stop it. His chest heaved as he struggled to breathe against the snot and the sorrow, his ribs and gunshot wound punching him repeatedly in the gut with each torturous breath. All the strength that he’d gained as Captain America tumbled out of him in sobs and he was that weakling again, with all the heart in the world, but no power to do anything about it. That kid with the best friend who always managed to put him back together again, no matter how broken he was. Bucky had always managed. Every single time.

And suddenly, he knew what he needed to do.

His pulse slowed and his body relaxed as his sobs died down. His breath came back to him and his head cleared. The pain in his body softened. He felt like himself again. A beat up, exhausted version of himself. But he would get better. His strength would come back to him. Then he’d use to it find Bucky and help him come back to himself as well. Bucky had pulled him out of the water. He’d saved his life. That meant there was still a chance to save Bucky. That’s all he needed. One chance.

He gingerly sat up, feeling lighter, a burden lifted, his mind and body at ease. Peggy stared at him in that warm, concerned way she had that reminded him sometimes of his mother. Peggy knew that he wasn’t just a super soldier. He was a man. A human being that sometimes fell. She was always there to pick him up again. Just like Bucky had been before. He realized how lucky he was to have both of them in his life when he needed them.

Peggy poured a glass of water with a shaky hand and then pushed the tray towards Steve. “Are you alright? I heard about…”

“Thank you,” he interrupted, risking a lean forward to press a soft kiss against her cheek.

A perplexed look spread across Peggy’s face as he settled back into his chair. “Are you mad? I didn’t do anything.”

He smiled for the first time in days as he grabbed the water and took a healthy swallow, the cool water soothing his still aching throat. “Yes you did, Peg. Yes you did.”

That’s All Folks!


End file.
